A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

After knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him: "So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"

To which the new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first 3 inches, it's all brand new. :P

If Facebook get Banned, 
You will See People Roaming , 
in the Streets 

with Their Picture in their Hands 
Crying & Screaming .. 
"DO YOU LIKE THIS PICTURE ?" =P xP

WIKIPEDIA: I know everything.
GOOGLE: I have everything.
FACEBOOK: I know everybody.
INTERNET : U're all nothing without me.
ELECTRICITY: Keep talking, bitches!

Out of a bunch of millions of sperms there was this one sperm named Dickson


Dickson was always trying to keep his fitness, jogging, lifting weights, and even swimming.
When his friends ask him why was he doing these things he say "only one of us will meet the egg and make a baby, and I want to be that one when the time comes". His friends would just laugh at him and pass.


The time for them to go out came and Dickson outran all of them (I'm talking millions of sperms) to the exit, as matter of fact, there was a huge gap between Dick and the rest.


All of a sudden the other guys
saw Dickson running back as fast as they have never seen him before. As he went past them in the opposite direction.
They asked, " Dickson why are you running back, didn't you say you wanted to be the one?", and


Dickson breathlessly replied, "heh heh heh heh......This stupid is masturbating." ~ Emmanuel

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.


As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.


One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.


No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked 'What you sell?'


One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes.'


Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'Ah so, you doing velly well, only two left! :D

Grandmother and her grandson do shopping at the Supermarket


Grandma: "Diploma, give me the sugar. Diploma put down that packet ofsweets."


Cashier: "Granny, is your grandson's name Diploma?(O_o)"


Grandma: "Yes."


Cashier: Why 'Diploma'?


Grandma: "Because I sent my daughter to college and this is what she brought back. --Zo :D

Dear boyfriend,
Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I`d take it out for some exercise.
Sincerely,
Girlfriend

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she's done, with a sense of pride n satisfaction she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine."Hi Darling", he says,

"Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you have said Hello!

3 Scary Things you find the following morning after spending the night drunk:-
1) Your face :-D
 2) Wallet :-D
 3) List of outgoing calls :-D

Hey sexy, 
Close the door behind you, drop your pants, get on top of me and satisfy 

your needs.

Sincerely, 
.
.
.
.
.
.

A Sheikh’s son goes to London for his Masters.A month later, he sends a letter to his parents saying:

”London is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold BMW when all my professors travel by train.”

Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a 25 million pounds cheque saying: